Creative Chaos

Creative Chaos

Monday, 18 March 2013

Why? ( Warning - heavy post talking about suicide / anxiety issues)

I have sat here all night contemplating. Our young 30 year old neighbour committed suicide in his house a few days ago. We thought his sick elderly mother had died until chatting to the other neighbour tonight.

(I'm sorry if I upset anyone talking about this.)

This seems to be happening more and more in New Zealand. This is the fourth person in a year i know of to go this way.

We are obviously doing something wrong.

Three years ago I sat in on a group of very messed up 10 -13 year olds going through counselling for major issues like anxiety, suicidal tendencies etc - sessions for several long months once a week. ( I struggled and struggled with these sessions.) Kids that were refusing to go to school, who had harmed themselves intentionally etc.

One of the kids was my own. He was the least affected and we had just found out he had aspergers (a very mild version.).

Several months before this when out in a park he took off in a real panic in tears. This was totally out of the blue. We then found out he had been having major panic attacks in new places and was petrified that he may not know where a toilet was if he needed one. We found out he had been getting off the school bus suburbs away and going to find out where a toilet was (even if not needing to go) but he just needed to know where one was.
We then went through a phase of the kid not leaving the house at all apart from school.
This made school holidays etc very very hard and the husband more than once having to come home from work to watch him while the others and I had some time out of the house.

We are thankfully all over this and you would have no idea he even has aspergers and just goes on with life in a normal way. His school has been amazing (lots of quirky kids ) and I am forever in debt to his primary school principal who told us to go to this highly regarded private school as he would have sunk in the all boys catholic school most boys went on to.
It makes me realise what we as parents have been through and I often think of how the other children in his counselling group are doing.
So much seems to be affecting our children these days, with anxiety and bullying issues affecting far more children than we realise.
And I constantly think of all the poor families in Christchurch still heavily affected by those awful earthquakes. And the mental health issues they face. I wonder if they are getting the help they all need?

My school has a social worker and a counsellor which is an absolute god send. I think all students at all schools should have access to someone to talk to.

It is good for adults to talk and talk too.

RIP neighbour.


  1. Oh dear, this is a very hard time for you, your family, neighbours not to mention the family of the young person who took his own life.
    As a person who has suffered severe depression in the past, I know that it is a very complicated issue with no easy answers. People with mental health issues do need support and access to the right medication if needed. There are so many people who are not even aware they have depression, it is such an insidious illness. I've suffered anxiety too, it is the one thing I cannot live with ever again and will continue taking medication until I breathe my last breath so as not to have to deal with it. It's a horrible, frightening and totally debilitating condition.
    I'm glad to hear your son is doing better.
    Anne xx

  2. Hi Kimberley, good on you for sharing, I too don't understand why NZ has one of the highest youth suicide rates in the world. I worry how my kids are going to cope with the "big" world out there, at the moment they go to a tiny country school (50 kids) but next year my boy is off to college (1500 kids) yikes! I've been following your blog since Amanda in Spain mentioned you! Have been meaning to say Hi!! Sally

  3. This is so sad but I think it needs more people to talk, it's not just in NZ. Glad your son is being understood and he is doing better x

  4. A very thought provoking post. My daughter has mild Aspergers and yes that does cause a few problems but generally she is a terrific if sometimes quirky kid. AS a parent you can't help but worry about what they will face in the world and if we will notice if and when they need help.