My last blog post was March 8 and I wrote...
March 19 - PE essay 1500 words
March 26 - health essay 1500 words
April 2 - Peerwise - 5 science videos up for others to critique (involves an hour of work a night)
April 6 - Technology assignment
April 6 - education issues essay 2500 words
April 8 - Peerwise 2nd part
April 12 - Maori essay 1500 words
April 19 - 4 maths games sourced with lesson plans and in a maths kete (to sew)
April 30 60% assignment for Literacy (essay 2000 words)
may 6 - Peerwise finished
May 11 tech assignment 2 due
May 16 - 60% science test
May 25 - maths essay
Life WAS and IS MENTAL. I can't under-estimate what I've been through since that post! We were doing 7 courses/papers in semester one - a normal uni workload (well at least in New Zealand and I think Australia too) is 4 courses/papers per semester. Then we had our school practicum's on top... we've had multiple people drop out - the course is basically incompatible with any other thing in your life ... I did not cook, nor do the grocery shopping, nor take much notice of my family really (thank goodness for teens who are pretty self sufficient and independent!) for centuries. It took me a few weeks longer than most to hit the daily crying mode.....
But then, if I thought that was crazy, things got crazier from a phone call from my Mum on Easter Sunday (April 1) morning. She rang to say (after multiple trips to the doctor and then me telling her on the Saturday to get to the emergency weekend doctor), that she had cancer. It took a couple of weeks to have a confirmation of pancreatic cancer. The FUCKED one. I won't apologise for my language as that truly is what it is. The one where you find out what it is, is too late.
Queue more spinning from me - my parents live only 26km from me, but if anyone knows Auckland traffic, it can be pure hell. I was doing round trips of 50 km, but those trips could take anything from 1-3 hours to drive.
It was horrible - time (of which we all need to give to people), but time I struggled to get from 8am - 5pm lectures, then sitting in traffic for visits which weren't really that long; then the GUILT of not being able to physically do this more than 2-3 times a week due to said uni workload (weeknights were a nightmare - taking 1.5 hours one way; still having to come back and attempt to write assignments while crying/having no brain nor a clue what the heck i was trying to do while taking the diagnosis on!).......
Family flying in and out from the UK and Switzerland. Trying to work around family politics (yeah.. fun... NOT) - trying to figure in chemo (i basically wagged uni and then caught up) - it was only 2 sessions in the end.
But really, it all only lasted a 6 pathetic, short weeks, before mum passed away on May 23. Not unexpected BUT TRULY TOO FAST and faster than what anyone ever expected. We knew she didn't have years; or more than likely even until her birthday in September, but not this fast. Not going into hospital just to get fluids back up and for this to happen suddenly.
I had a maths assignment due 2 days after and a huge 50% assignment due a week after - there was no way I getting extensions due to an upcoming 5 week (some of it full control) practicum, so just did them... i really don't know how, 8 weeks on, I managed anything really! (and to get A+ grades for both...).
It all seems just a blur really, and also still not real... family have all gone back (actually my sister left without me even knowing....!) and life carries on with a massive, massive gap. You realise all the things you should of, could have done, talked about, visited more, the guilt, oh the guilt around uni and doing what I could... April was the most intense month of semester one which is when everything happened...
This is my dear mum....